Core Blue 💙

 Core Blue

~ Miss A

Thankyou love, for everything you've done for me,

My precious, a piece of myself, my love without a reason,

You've done nothing wrong, it's me, I'm the problem,

You don't understand it, but you walk away from me a lot,

And I can't take it anymore, and I don't want to be in a position,

To explain you everything in words, penned down,

You only understand through pain, by my actions,

That you didn't think through, letting me though it.

Now I feel like I'm the criminal, I'm the one to blame,

'Cause I did it all knowingly, and you did it unaware,

And the more we try to reason it, argue it, everytime,

The daggers hang above my head, I know I've nowhere to run,

And I can't see myself like this, drinking small poisons,

And living with it, as if it's okay, making myself toxic,

And I understand it quite clearly, what's happening with me,

I'm spiralling down madness; where there is no will, there won't be a way.

You'll be okay by morning, I'll rot by morning,

My darker side is coming up, I don't think I'll get better,

I'm going to quit, and dissolve this medicine, wait for me,

I'll drink my tears, and even appreciate it's salt,

I'll learn once again, it's okay if no-one vouches for me,

My heart that cares so much for everyone, keeps getting toe-d,

I'll build the stone wall, piece by piece again,

Then you'll see me happy, loud and bubbly, you'll be entertained.

For I've changed and changed for you, now I've gotta see my signature,

Cold and unbothered, a place I should have never left,

It's fine-it's fine, there's no soul sharing in real life,

We come alone in this world, and that's how we'll die,

I shall not take anything to heart, or personal, my own words I remember,

Now I've just got, to teach that to myself again,

But having you is personal, I've got to know you,

Loved you unconditionally, gotten ahead of myself.

Thankyou my lady, for making me remember my theory,

Shall never expect anything from anyone, never trust it,

Thankyou evolution, you told me that a thousand times,

A wild wolf when trusts, feeds as a dog for an entirety,

And I'm like a dog too, a few words of sincerity, and I'm done for,

Looking past the stupidity, a reflection I cannot face,

Now I'll go back, to the stronger part of the duality,

Nothing you say or do, will stike past this skin.

And life will go on, I'll keep remembering this hard lesson,

And make sure, there are no casualties, blood or water,

I'll keep my toes curled in, I'll keep my body hugged,

I'll stay in this labyrinth, I'll build my nest here,

I'll make sure, I disappear with the wind so nicely,

Even my smell will vanish, even my existence will become void,

And even if you'll pin me down, I'll manipulate and make sure,

That nothing crosses the path of my heart again, be better lonely.

'Hua je sila', must be made for me, one who talks to shadows,

Who else do I talk to, I don't belong to this chapter,

Where the lord you pray to, made sure, the only symphonies,

That I age through, must continue to give me unspeakable pain,

I can only go though the pothole, and digest all of it,

After so many attempts of escape, I'll let my core turn blue,

See I'm rare, always been, lucky in positively and negatively,

But my blood is negative, maybe it speaks for me.

So I'll continue being loved by everyone, truly doted and catered,

But care, is something I'll never have, not that important to anyone,

The wars that I fight for everyone, will never be credited,

I take help of the prophecy, I'll deattach and do it,

I'm disconnected anyways, the only wound is,

That I'll have no saviour, maybe it's better this way,

Always wanted to make sure, these things that I do,

Shall never involve my love, I'll erase this exception.

It's amazing, people would never know this side of me,

I'll keep dazzling as an extrovert, my heart completely sealed,

And from now, I won't see my eyes red, I won't find myself struggling to breathe,

I am just pathetic, I won't smile down even against it,

Not until you crush under it, cry your heart let me see your sincerity,

I'm a shining star, and my light does not flicker,

Need some needles acupunctured into my skull,

Need to let this steam out, cool down and ice.

Guessed I hid me cards too well, you don't know how sensitive I am,

Voila! I've found my loophole, will fix it somehow,

Would have been better being born as robots,

Devoid of empathy, devoid of sympathy, things that made me-me,

I knew my stars were different, now I know they've betrayed me,

That's why the lines on my palm asymmetric, they break and cut,

That's why the moles over my face, make a constellation,

I must have been an experiment, I ain't got anything over anyone here.