Never Really Speaking

Never Really Speaking 

~Miss A


Here I go throught the night again,

Going it through and through again,

With a heart that keeps shivering,

And the breath trying to hush, soldering,

Asking myself again, what's wrong with me,

Starting to make out faces in shadows.


No dear lord, let the misters have me instead,

I plea, and to tell you so sincerely, I plea,

Feeling neusea filling up nostrils, blocking,

Any air from reaching to help me breathe,

You were there with me, yet I'm alone,

And all those statements that could rebel, falsify.


Truth is for beings with courage, lie is indifferent,

It brings the choas to a haul, denies it pleasure,

Of reality, it's faithful to making everything systematic,

Shoulders still tight, chest broad, but eyes lowered by fragments,

But ince the just falls over, they tend regain strength,

Felling an ironed knife pulled to the belly from the neck. 


Maybe because nape of life dissociates chemicals of internal death,

Been in this grave so long, started following how to breathe,

Trying to erase memories from the past life, failing,

Used to have panic attacks knowing hypnotism opened brains,

It's raging in me, it's roaring in me, containing a tsunami,

Want to just let go and let hell dance on my footsteps.


Complety lost, held by a thread, a thread bound by tremor,

I got a faucet that never runs off water, do you see?

Who do I tell it about, these faces keep multiplying,

Belived I'm cursed, so my lord won't you come rescue your team,

Garland of rose throns, a bouquet of tranquility,

No, keep me in gushing noice, silence endorses panic.


Of my ill will, let go I'm never really speaking,

I keep holding my vomit of abuses self defaming,

Used of fantasizing vanishing in thin air, 

Never coming back, leaving behind no clues no hints,

I don't want to know anymore, that pain it might leave behind,

I wish you torture, a hundred times more that you could bear. 


Hope you won't find the dust of my ashes, no sand of my stars,

No rumble of my bones, no reality of me being,

None of me, because even after my tries, you ain't deserving,

The cold allergies eating me up, is rather inside me then the surroundings,

I try to start a new chapter, but round and round I'm revolving,

Dear lord, please give me permission to terminate this bullshitting.

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