Wither to fade

 Wither to fade

~ Miss A

Slowly and gradually converting to a gold fish,

A soul of gold, losing memoir, fading away in swims,

How we used to remember faces in so clarity, saw colours,

Can't determine what I felt with you the week past,

Even if I scotch the dust, the sugar dissolves to dryness,

Whilst aside you, each moment is bittersweet salt-sour. 

I keep forgetting, how I got into your habits,

How your dislikes are now mine, 

How your likes are now mine,

How I adjusted your nature into mine, shaped up,

The brick that we've put our heart to layer our house,

Seems like a lego block, you and I are kids. 

Heard I'm lost, where am I, fading away in swims,

You're laidback, secure you have me,

With you, I feel the ends of my longings,

But I'll need to migrate, see suffering, and come back,

For me to realise again, why I chose you,

Why it cuts me to be with you, and then so plain.

I'm lost, do you even want me, for I can't hear my cries of you,

Or is this how it is to be healed, was I in pain,

I don't know, I've always seen you as my sun in my dark astride,

Sometimes I just wanna curl my toes and relive,

Not lovable kisses, not cute cuddles, but the silence and pain without,

A person of the night, enjoys spring but quenches night.

Watery eyes, my heart seems to flutter into dancing,

So habitual of holding up, forgot how to let go,

Long ago in baby swims, like this when I return to you,

Slowly this builds up again, you cherish me I let go again,

When aside you, I hear the rain pouring again,

As I slowly acknowledge every reason I'm a part you now.

I want to sleep in the evening, I want to wake up at midnight,

I want to see through the night, as it engulfs me in serenity,

Then my hands feel tied, I also want to see you at your days prime,

For you are a sunflower, I'm a night's howl,

Do I deserve you, I myself, we're plates opposite,

Salts of rock and water, but with you I assume I'm complete. 

I've still not learnt to read behind faces,

I remember you in haze, meeting the horizon yes,

You might not even know what it means, but to me it's everything,

My shoes would be too small for you, but different still,

But as I swim I forget every difference, 

You're mine I know, but let me remember. 

You say I'm though to understand, like a piece of puzzle,

You say so and I break character to come in straight lines,

Try to enter my maze sometimes, I have a nest I've built of twigs,

I see the lights fade, I hallucinate, I see a city I think I don't belong,

I accepted you with my hands shaking, now they are stable,

But they itch, what amends, what's destiny?

I want to know, if you have a house of cards,

Where you are secretly begging me to be with you,

To wake up, wishing the first thing you saw waking up is me,

I would love to see such dramatic openness,

But that's me, not a part you, but are you meaning to find me,

Even if I lose my path through and through again.

Would you recognise this agony?

I'm constantly thinking of you, always keeping a share,

And I must just be one of your priorities, maybe,

When the chapter of your life moves to pilot,

Would I be somewhere in the first frames of your lines,

I smile as I put down the dusted picture of me and you, I swim.